Poker meets Candy Land and Crayola

I like to consider myself a relatively playful person who likes to look at all things in life with a comical and/or ironic lens. I used to be the super obnoxious child who made all the shy kids into such goofballs that I don’t think I was well liked by any parents…maybe not the best influence? Or maybe…the best? I sure liked to think so…

But I spent a solid five years of my life locked in seriousness like a prison cell. Every trace of that childlike humor became basically nonexistent. After the walls crashed down quite a few times I was basically forced to vacate my little boxed cell out of true fear for my life and wellbeing.

What I’ve discovered more and more as the years have gone by is how to look at the comical (or “bright”) aspect of absolutely everything: the ultimate perfection of the mess of being human. Now, I find myself embracing it all with such a genuine fiery passion for passion and for life itself. It’s all the little things truly – the perfection in each moment, the divinity, the sacredness. I always felt like those were such serious words in my life: like sadhana and honoring myself and my body and the present moment were things to “play” with but it was always like “play-with-a-straight-face” instead of a joyous laugh and big-toothed smile.

“We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world.” -Jack Gilbert

I’m beginning to see the truth that the wiser we become as humans, the more we appear to be playing a comedic game of candy land or shoots and ladders…not fucking poker or battleship. The only seriousness we need to have is with our stubbornness in each moment to see the comical perfection in absolutely everything in this world: “good” and “bad”. Yes, I’m talking about being serious about not being serious…Yep. Have some fucking fun.

I can’t speak for everyone, but I sure feel like I would find bliss and passion and a deep adoration for life much more consistently if I was constantly intending laughter and play…real play: children throwing paint and coloring the walls with crayons kind of play. No adult “serious play” here. No worrying about what’s next, what people think of you, or any of that other useless pressure and fear nonsense.

Don’t get me wrong, “serious play” for me basically means practicing nonresistance to life, which is a completely and monumental step in the process of relearning childlike play. It does have a very important place in our lives. I have been practicing this vigorously for a few years now and have been motivated by nothing more than the fabulous fluidity that my life began to embody as a result.

I can say honestly that since I chose to start committing myself completely to childlike play and perspective (which was intentionally written in my notebook just under a week ago), I’ve experienced more bliss dancing around my room at night and eating chocolate bars that aren’t (technically) mine and talking to myself like a perfectly content child talks to her imaginary puppy Ralph than I have in my entire life. I have also had some really intense spiritual experiences without any intention for them to happen…like most-people-need-psychedelic-drugs-for-this-kind-of-shit experiences…

It’s basically been the most exhilarating, passionate, connected, exciting, and purely present week of my life…and I’m accomplishing this alone from my little apartment in the freezing blizzardy Boston.

Now maybe the most important part of my point is this: just one week ago I was in one of the darkest holes of grief and despair that I’ve ever experienced. I was not only trying to filter and release a dear friend’s monumental release of grief and anger into my arms, but I was trying to process what the hell I was doing in my relationships and my entire life. I don’t remember the last time I cried like that curled up in a ball on my bed. It was all I could manage not to scream or wake anyone up tossing my fist into a wall.

The entire point is that absolutely everything shifted to bliss the moment I decided it was all part of the perfect messiness of life. All is as it is meant to be. The despair disintegrated and suddenly – without any of my external circumstances changing – my whole world felt massively more beautiful. Dare I say it looked and felt fucking perfect.

The truth is, all we can ever control when going through anything in life is our inner world… And the beautiful part is when we take total responsibility for our thoughts, emotions, and energy we become capable of embracing everything in the world as simply another face or manifestation of God. Absolutely stunning perfection. Personally, it has taken me years of practice to gain this kind of control and awareness of my internal relationship with life, but the first and everpresent step is always this question: What brings me joy right now? Ask this question in the face of every train of thought and spiral of emotions. Ask it when your ready to throw a fist at your reflection or when you’re jealous or resentful or judging someone. Just ask it. No expectation for an answer or a solution. Nowhere to get to. Nobody to become. But ask it with such genuine desire for lasting peace and happiness that the fleeting solutions will not take hold of your attention. And when you do stumble upon a truly helpful answer within yourself (either in that moment or some time down the line), commit to following that voice. Play. Dance. Sit still. Travel. Write. Rest. Eat. Learn. Delve into your work. Whatever! The blissful joy that is in the very fabric of your relationship with Life/God/yourSelf will come to your awareness in time, because all is already here within you.

Namaste, Laura Marie XO