So, here I am. I’ve gotten myself to this place where life doesn’t feel so tangible and real and serious anymore…
But it’s an interesting paradox because I still carry chains in one hand and the key in my other. I see that there is this whole other world I can either step into or shy away from. I feel that every ounce of pain I carry must move through me and be left behind. So why am I so afraid of something that means freedom and peace?
I think I’m afraid because it means leaving everything and most everyone I know behind. It means saying an eternal “yes” to life and with that surrendering all feelings of control.
But it means light.
It means everything I’ve clung to will become insignificant and meaningless. It means nothing will matter.
And my mind will cease to create hell. My lizard will forever sit beside me, not consuming me.
I’m afraid of power. And I’m afraid of leading. I’m afraid someone or something will take me away from salvation…even though I know that’s not truly possible.
Why am I so afraid?
Namaste, Laura Marie XO