Sudden Chaos

I will be the first to admit I have moments every once in a while where I just want to curl up in bed and shut out the world to breathe. It happened yesterday for a reason I couldn’t figure out at the time. I felt this horrible energy overcome me…I literally imagined my skin sweating negativity and exhaling a poisonous breath my body was suddenly producing. My throat knotted up, tears formed in my eyes, and my core became heavy. This was the feeling of frustration with myself that had turned into dread. I have been frustrated that I haven’t found clarity in certain areas of my life. I know now this reaction is completely normal…I am aware that I have things I wish I could improve instantly—like everyone at every time…I am aware that I’m not alone in this. But most importantly, I am aware now that the moment I experienced yesterday was the result of not forgiving myself for seeking, but not yet finding, the clarity I want. That moment was my body’s way of letting me know that I’m searching externally and taking unnecessary things in when the clarity and answers I am looking for are somewhere within me. That intense experience of radiating pessimism and hopelessness was my body flushing out all of the things I’ve been taking in that won’t get me any closer to what I want. Sometimes the most important answers we seek in life—the most relieving peace we can find—rests within our own light from the very beginning.

Namaste, Laura Marie XO

Feb 20, 2013

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